Nicknames: Carol (as in Carol Vorderman, not as in Karel Poborsky as he claims it to be), Sleaze Bag, Hey You With That Stuff On Your Face.

Height: 5ft 10in

Weight: Probably around 9st (after all he does have the body of a monkey).

Location: Sleaze Bag currently resides in the quiet suburb of 76 Carysford Avenue with the following family members:

• Brian: renowned to be a bit of a menstrual sandy vagina covered lesbian, according to Sleaze Bag. Apparently, he has similar qualities in terms of personality to Jennifer Lopez or Mariah Carey.
• Catherine: active campaigner for overalls and other jacket resembling items and is an acitve campaigner for three different organisations: MFJ (Mothers For Jackets), STPI (Swat Team Parents Investigations) and MWA (Micra Women's Association). Hobbies include drinking tea, making jackets and wearing down her son's immune system.

Personality:

Colm can be a very sound guy and cares a lot about his mates. However, he does takes himself very seriously. He is also a bit of social outcast, and never seems to use the "think before you speak" principle, no matter how many times we tell him. Anyway, I won't deliberate on this,

Hobbies: Ah the many hobbies that Sleaze Bag has. It's a long list so brace yourself.

• Sailing.
• Hangin' out with the whiter version of Michael Jackson, Mr. Samuel Tierney.
• Drinking cheap German piss (sorry,beer).
• Criticising Mother Theresa, claiming she was a tax fraud and that she cheated people out of money.
• Lusting after some sailing bitch called Cat (who has bad teeth and talks like Anne Robinson). Let's not forget her friend Karen, who looks like she's heading down that Karen Carpenter route.
• Watching porn.
• Eating croissants, or as he says it "crrrroooooiissssaannttsss".
• Jerking off while hammered.
• Saying "ooohhh".
• Doing spliffs.
• Snorting snuff.
• Fingering Shane McGowan impersonators in the back of taxis.
• Scoring mingers.
• Licking dead fish.
• Scoring Jack Clingan (okay, that may be a fib).
• Taking cough medicine.
• Stalking Marie McIvor.
• Sleazing on Jenny Murphy.
• Holding conversations about motherboards and disk drive capacity.
• Talking about expensive shirts.  
• Hating people.
• Losing a complete sense of direction when "binned".
• Dancing like Dr. Tom Feeney (by the way that's not a compliment).
• Missing days of college due to "mental fatigue" and other extremely serious illnesses.
• Complaining about Catholics and saying we are all being brainwashed by a cult, despite the fact that he is an active member of the Rainbow Warrior Youth Orgainsation.
• Watching Battlestar Gallactica.
• Asking you if you want to know what he and his latest conquest did the previous night. Doesn't matter if his offer is refused, he will still tell you anyway and then give out to you for asking too many questions.
• Eating cheese that has been left out for at least 30 minutes.
• Playing the violin horribly out of tune. Singing every song as if he was singing Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You".
• Okay this hasn't happened yet, but probably will happen in the forseeable future. Sleazing on Sarah Maguire and repeatedly asking her for a handjob, which Sarah will respond to be kicking him in the face, forcing Sleaze Bag to say "Oh my god, why did you kick me in the fuckin' face?" (Sorry, private joke).

Funny/Annoying Traits:

• Saying "ooohh"
• Laughing like a hyena.
• Saying your name and then hitting you.
• Smoking cigarettes incorrectly.
• Doing deadly silencers, i.e. farts.
• Wiggling his ass like Beyonce at randomers (Sean Killeen).
• Combing his bum hair.
• Rabbitting on about his career threatening injuries, e.g. a bruised nipple, a gash on his knee.
• Inspecting the contents of rolls and sandwiches.
• Embarrassing you in front of real people.
• Downloading stuff onto your computer without asking for permission.
• Getting offended very easily.
• Blowing cigarette smoke into your face. Really annoying.
• Touching and feeling up members of the opposite sex, even though they repeatedly ask him to stop.
• Saying that quitting smoking in his opinion is not smoking, but being allowed to have the odd one once a week. (?)
• Saying "annathing".

CLOTHES: 

• Sleaze Bag's sense of style isn't particularly bad anymore and now dresses himself pretty well, unlike Sap Face. Must be all the expensive shirts that he is borrowing from his dad (Sorry). Thankfully he doesn't wear that heroin coat or those knee length sailing jackets anymore.

Famous Quotes: Top 5

• 5. "Paul, I don't think that's very nice"- Sleazy's reaction to the artwork of Emmet Folens (Folens was quoted as saying that Colm Sheehy was a cynical bastard. Sob.)
• 4. "Hey you, gimme a blowjob"- Colm trying to solicite oral sexual pleasure from the dog of Richard Fenning.
• 3. "Oh my God, where the hell are we?"-Colm was terrified as he realised we lost in Amsterdam. Only thing is, he said this two metres OUTSIDE the hotel.
• 2. "Do you know what? My dad had an expensive shirt and I got to wear it once"- A very close contender to being the top Colm Sheehy quote.
• 1."Do you know what? Maybe they need a point of reference"-the all time Colm Sheehy quote. I can't be bothered explaining it, if you want to know what I'm talking about, please contact Sap Face or Morag.

Thank you, Colm, for a lifetime of memories. What a guy.

Finkles x