Name: Lorcan Brophy

Nicknames: Rupert, Woopie, Tuna Face

Date of Birth: 1st June 1986

Height: 6ft 1in

Weight: 12st 10lbs

Location: Tuna Face is your essential D4 man,  currently residing directly opposite RTE. Lives with a mini mum sister Ruth (who Lorcan made cry when he told her she would be 30 by the time of the Beijing Olympics), an older brother Gavin who spends his days playing football and watching Dr Phil, a banker dad who has a problem remembering names and enjoys telling Lorcan's mates to "shag off" and a Sally Jessy Raphael lookalike mum who is convinced that the devils of tuna will kill her son. 

Personality: Rupert is your typical D4 man; he loves Dubes, chinos, polo shirts and 'Ken and hates knackers, Fred Perry tracksuits, Le Coq Sportif jackets and fat birds. He is very honest and tells it how it is (without the bitchness or shit strirring qualities that Sap Face possesses). He is also a comic genius i.e. he doesn't possess a batch of tumbleweed like John does. This can be perceived as positive or negative, but he is also THE MOST competitve person you will ever meet. Whether it's golf, football or even "Spit", he will always want to win (it's pretty much guaranteed that if he loses in a game of Spit, you will playing a game of 52 card pickup straight after). He can also be verbally abusive, i.e. he enjoys nothing more than calling someone a "penis", telling girls affected with severe athestic difficiencies that he finds them "offensively ugly" and shouting "who's walking who" to random birds on the street.

Typical Sayings:

• "In fairness"
• "That is so true"
• "Ah, nigs"
• "What the fuck?"
• "Faece off"
• "Nice belt"
• "Lies/Myths/Fabrication/Untruth/Fable/ Legend/Hostory/Fairy Tale/Old Wives Tale/Deceit/Falsehood/Prevarification.
• "Oh 'ats".
• "Excuse me, I'm Joe, not Neil Goldman. Now faece off!"
• "Where's my fuckin' Jimmy Carr DVD?"
• "I can't go out this evening,  I have a facial booked tomorrow morning."
• "I like having milkbottle skin".
• "How much protein is in this cereal?"
• "Mmmm, tuna".
• "Are you going to the gym today?"
• "Meh".
• "(To a girl) You are way outta my league bitch. Now go and take the dogs for a walk".
• "Ahh Painter!"
• "You gimp!"
• "Breadline!"
• "Chicken Curry please" (You racist)

Hobbies:

• "Working" in a newsagent (Usually spends most of his time robbing hair product samples off magazines).
• Attempting to play golf.
• Going facials.
• Going to the gym (pretty fucking obvious).
• Protesting outside RTE studios for the better treatment of Linda Martin.
• Eating tuna.
• Going to McDonalds.
• Going to Abrakestabra.
• Going to Anabels.
• Drinking 'Ken.
• Wearing Dubes.
• Participating in tax evasion.
• Wearing Polo shirts.
• Hangin' out with law nerds and 37 year old Aidan Claffey.
• Waxing.
• Shaving.
• Brushing his teeth.
• Walking the Chumster.
• Moisturising.
• Hitting unsuspecting irritating individuals with a large inflatable penis.
• Wearing floral dresses.
• Giving cement shoes as presents.
• Gelling his hair in a Gareth Gates style.
• Plucking.
• Having shit nights out.
• Dancing like Michelle Mc Manus.
• Threatening club DJ's.
• Texting.
• Overplaying songs, i.e. "Filthy Gorgeous".
• Gambling.
• Watching "What Not To Wear".
• Telling his mum to "go faece herself".
• Watching Family Guy.
• Obsessing over the Peter Griffin Rap.
• Giving backhanders.

Clothes:

• On the whole, Fishface's sense of style is generally D4ish, i.e. the Dubes, polo shirts, rugby jerseys, Canterbury jackets etc. However, it is more than likely that if you were to call round to his house on a Thursday or Monday morning, you would be greeted by Rupert wearing one sock, a LeCoq Sportif tracksuit, a large gold medallion and a bum fluff resembling tash which has a strong stench of unwashed pussy.

Hair:

• Similarly to Sap Face's early days, Rupert went through that horrifying "Mushroom Cut" stage. which lasted for almost eighteen years, until he discovered Brylcreem (By the way, I know it's probably spelt incorrectly so you don't need to point that out). It really cannot be underestimated how much of this stuff is used. Put it this way: Tuna Face puts as much gel in his hair, similar to how much salt Finkles puts in his "lettuce" sandwiches.